Request a new conference (in the conference requests conference)
for some ridiculous thing no-one in their right minds would want
as a conference topic - like scissors or fluff. Get a few friends
to second it and act as mods and see if you can make it happen.
Go down the list of conferences in the ousa signpost looking
for empty confs. Check there are no messages and no mods (right-click>permissions)
then take the conf over as your own personal 'den' and see how
many vile obscenities, libels etc you can post before someone
notices. What's the worst that can happen? You get made read-only
in an empty conf? Big deal!
Send someone a message using a 1px x 1px coloured image as the
background. When they open it, the image will "paint"
itself over the email with the effect that the colour comes down
like a curtain. It will also be quite annoying, but that's a spin-off
benefit.
Have an online affair with someone. Pick someone who's a bit
unglued so that after you break up you'll have an interesting
mailbox full of threats and the conferences will be full of pics
of you that you don't want others to see. This is a guaranteed
remedy against boredom.
Set up an off-fc group. Use MSN Groups or Yahoo Groups. They're
easy to make and they're just like firstclass conferences except
that you're the boss and everyone has to do as you say.
Become a moderator. The Royal Corps of Moderators is, of course, an elite band
of dedicated and infallible servants of the public good. I should
know because I am counted among its ranks. When you are a mod, you get access to the
mod action conference which is full of swearing, porn, tma answers,
bitchiness, lunacy and other goodies. The other benefit is that
you can pick fights with people and push them around and (so long
as you're subtle about it) all the other mods will support you
- even if you're in the wrong!
Go to Muppetania and post the words "I don't get it!"
in reply to every single message there.
Log on to your course conference, read the opinions of others,
make intelligent, well-informed comments and get an education.
Hahahaha! Just kidding! Why would anyone want to do that!?!?!
Unreading: The Four Steps to Madness
Step 1: While engaged in a flame war with someone, you right click
each message and mark it as read so that you don't show up in the
message history.
Step 2: You check the history of each of your own messages to
see if anyone has replied to it without apparently having read it
first (i.e - to see if they are at Stage 1). You denounce their
sneaky underhand ways.
Step 3: You mark messages as read (as in stage 1), but you know
there are stage 2 people out there too, so if you want to reply
to a message you first mark it as unread and then open
it again so that it shows up as having been legitimately "read"
before you reply... At this point, a mod will sneak up behind you
with a dart gun full of largactil...
Step 4: You apply to be a conference moderator.
How to Handle Open University Tutors
I can't really give you better advice than the excellent words
of John Kirkcaldy. Have
a look and see what you think.
How to Tell if You're Spending Too Much Time
on FirstClass
If any of the following conditions apply, you may be spending
too much time on the FirstClass system.
You close FC to get some work done and then open it again less
than 5 minutes later "to see if any new messages have appeared".
You challenge moderators at any provocation.
You think other contributors are persecuting you and post elaborate
theories based on the message histories of your posts.
You wish they'd reopen SAD.
You quote the C-o-C or S-o-C at another contributor.
You care what other contributors think of you.
You have the International Affairs conference on your desktop.
You can't find your Course Conf in amongst all the other desktop
icons.
Your name is Margaret Hung.
You are so crazy that you make a web site dedicated to ridiculing
another contributor.
You are so obnoxious that another contributor makes a web site
dedicated to ridiculing you.
You are a moderator for more than 30 conferences.
You have FirstClass installed on your computer at work.
You have a picture of a certain contributor in a leopard-skin
posing pouch.
You keep archives of other people's posts and can quote them
months or even years later.
If someone tells you a joke at work or in the pub, instead of
laughing you say "ROFLMAO!"
You try to log on 15 times during the server shutdown period around 1AM, muttering "come on!" under your breath.
You have - even if it was only once - logged in on Christmas Day.
You've registered for another course under an assumed name so
you can log on twice and agree with yourself in conferences.
Your wife left days ago, taking the kids and you are getting
hungry but you can't bear to be away from FC long enough to phone
the pizza delivery service.
Top 5 Study techniques to help you retain
information while reading study materials.
Ensure eyes are open.
Ensure book is open.
Ensure book is in same room as you.
If you are drunk, leave it till later.
Uninstall FirstClass.
Do not drive or operate heavy machinery while reading course
materials.
Getting Support from Students on the FirstClass
System.
Remember, the FirstClass system is there to help you to exchange
ideas. Direct copying and posting of actual TMA answers is not permitted.
I thought it was worth pointing this out after seeing some recent
posts in the t171 conference. Take this one for example:
From: S Wozniak
To T171 Forum
Subject TMA01 Answer
What is the answer to TMA01?
Stevie
This disregards basic netiquette since it contains no salutation,
no acknowledgement of previous posts and no contribution to the debate.
Take a leaf out of this student's book instead:
From: W Gates
To T171 Forum
Subject: TMA 01 Discussion
Hi Guys. I have been reading the course materials for the last
ten minutes and I have a question: I think the answer to TMA01 may
be 'Yes' or possibly 'No'. Does anyone agree? Please reply in 2000
words with illustrations as needed, preferably in a zipped html
file. I look forward to reading your opinions, although if you could
send them direct to my tutor that would be even better.
Studying and FirstClass
After studying for over three years now, I have discovered a little-known
fact which you may be interested to learn:
Using FirstClass counts as studying. Even if you're just posting
'jokes' on a subconference of Muppetania, or discussing the death
of Anya on the Buffy and Angel appreciation conference, you are
still entitled to a warm glow of accomplishment, and can comfortably
refute all accusations from your partner that you are just 'wasting
time' or 'surfing'. Isn't education a wonderful thing!